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/\ thanx fishn worms. 2.Your managers not helping you. Fire him/her. 3.Before you sign a record deal, look up the word recoupable in the 4.No one cares who youve opened for. 5.A string section does not make your songs sound any more important. 6.If your band has gone through more than 4 bass players, its time to 7.When you talk on stage you are never funny. 8.If you sound like another band, dont act like youre unfamiliar with 9.Asking a crowd how theyre doing is just amplified small talk. Dont do it. 10.Dont say your videos being played if its only on the Austin Music 11.When you sign to a major label, claim to have inked the best contract 12.When you get dropped insist that it was the worst contract ever and you 13.Never name a song after your band. 14.Never name your band after a song. <my personal favorite!> 16.Never enter a battle of the bands contest. If you do youre already a loser. 17.Learn to recognize scary word pairings: rock opera, white rapper, blues jam, swing band, open mike, etc. 18.Drummers can take off their shirts or they can wear gloves, but not both. 19.Listen, either break it to your parents or we will: its rock n roll, 20.Its not a showcase. Its a gig that doesnt pay. 21.No one cares that you have a web site. 22.Getting a tattoo is like sewing platform shoes to our feet. 23.Dont hire a publicist. 24.Playing in Portsmouth and Nashua doesnt mean youre on tour. 25.Dont join a cover band that plays Bush songs. In fact, dont join a 26.Although they come in different styles and colors, electric guitars all 27.Dont stop your set to ask that beers be brought up. Thats what 28.If you use a smoke machine, your music stinks. 29.We can tell the difference between a professionally produced album cover 30.Remember: if blues solos are so difficult, why can so many 16 year olds 31.If you ever take a publicity photo, destroy it.You may never know where 32.Cut your hair, but do not shave your head. 33.Pierce your nose, but not your eyebrow. 34.Do not wear shorts onstage. Or a suit. Or a hat. 35.Rock oxymorons: major label interest, demo deal, blues genius, 36. 3 things that are never coming back: a)gongs, b)headbands, and c)playing
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